Never forget, never forgotten

IMG_7424bw, originally uploaded by TH.Photography.

How someone can be on your mind even more than every day I'm not sure, but Ma has been there for several weeks. Tomorrow we mourn again as a year passes since she went to heaven. Her passing was peaceful, and the Lord was close to me and to her wonderful son in her death.  My wonderful husband stood alone to speak at his mom's  funeral. As is true to his personality, he has mourned this grief largely alone for 365 days. That makes me sad. Sometimes I see a bit of denial washing away as tears stream down his cheeks; other times we can enjoy a laugh as we recall times together. Always, every singe day, we think of her and we miss her.
Ma said to me once as she knew her time on earth was drawing to a close, "You won't ever forget me, will you Tami?" (She almost never called me by name.) We laughed in my reply that that would indeed be impossible even if I wanted to.
No, I'll never forget her and I'll never stop talking about her.
Ways we remember you, Ma:
*buttering toast
*cooking chicken for dinner, "Chicken 'ain't nothin' but a bird."
*Halloween witches handing out candy to the kids

*truffles

*your rocker sitting here idle and empty
*Nicholas starting a sentence, "Nanny..."

*rushing home to fix your meal...or not

Wow, Here I was prepared to keep listing, but the truth is, everything reminds us of you. Our house is not the same anymore. Our pain hasn't subsided in our loss, but we trust the Lord knowing your pain is gone and our loss is such a great gain for you.

Lawrence Welk was on Saturday night, I've never actually stopped to watch him before but know you never missed your weekend date. I stopped. I listened and I think I heard you singing along and I know I saw you dancing...this time on the streets of gold and surrounded with a choir of angels. One day we'll see you again.

Until then:
Never forgotten. Always missed.
We love you, Ma.

Birthday to Anniversary Balloons

IMG_4054aaW, originally uploaded by TH.Photography.

Her birthday balloons are coming back out to wish her mommy and daddy a happy 7th wedding anniversary today. Happy Anniversary! I can't wait to get to do family photos next time. You guys are great!

Tacos, Snickers and Traffic ahead

tunneltraffic, originally uploaded by TH.Photography.

Strange photo to share the happenings of this special date, but it's fitting. More than 20 years ago, 23 to be exact, I agreed to a first date. I had a sneaky suspicion that it would be the last first date of my life, and I was right. The Mr. and I took a stroll through downtown Richmond, went out for dinner (Taco Bell) and dessert (Snickers bar) before joining the youth at an all-school skating party.
I still remember what I wore, what he drove, how we walked (him hanging down his arm hoping I'd grab his hand: I didn't), how we talked and how sad I was that it ended too soon.
Here we are two decades and two children later. Two people smuggled by the traffic congestion of life, but still so in love with each other.
The sign is so obvious: congestion ahead. The signs of our lives melding together in love and through the Lord were just as blatant from the word go. And today, 9-26-10, I'd still, after all the years and all the obvious, I'd still sit in traffic with him any day.

Baby's riding off to dreamland

1606Sw, originally uploaded by TH.Photography.

Hush a bye
Don't you cry
Go to sleep my little baby
When you wake
You shall have
All the pretty little ponies

In your bed
Momma said
Baby's riding off to dreamland
One by one
They've begun
Dance and prance for little baby


Blacks and bays
Dapples and greys
Running in the night
When you wake
You shall have
All the pretty little ponies

Can you see the little ponies
Dance before your eyes
All the pretty little ponies
Will be there when you arise

All The Pretty Little Ponies
~Kenny Logins

They say prayer changes things.

IMG_4597w1, originally uploaded by TH.Photography.

This adorable little girl came dressed to the nines in her new boutique blue, smocked dress. It was almost as beautiful as was she. However, she had a problem and it was something she took straight to the Lord. Today was not a good day for a photo shoot despite all appearances.
Snacks were important, yes. Being close to Momma was very important, yes-yes. Looking at that woman with the camera, not so much. And please, PLEASE get me off of this bench.
She got off but not without suffering a bit of a bloody lip. She bounced herself off of that seat faster than I could press the shutter or mom could catch a breath. She's fine, but Mom and I both lost a couple years that day. I hope she'll let me try again one day soon!

Look, up in the sky!

IMG_4967w, originally uploaded by TH.Photography.

Eighteen bucks for a ride pass. Smart. Sky rides make my blood pressure join the heights they fly. Really. Really? What small, local zoo has a sky ride? Ours does. And so we went, my six year old and I.
He must have sensed my level of excitement, "Mom, are you scared."
"You betcha!" is what my mind was yelling, but my mouth somehow muttered, "I'm fine, Honey."
Our shoes stayed on our feet, incredibly so, my boy didn't fall out of the open sides into the rhino's play yard and I didn't have to test my swimming out in the giraffe mote.
I get to do this again, and again and again. Thank God there was a carousel; I DO love that ride. (More to come about that one.)

It's coming!

ACORNS have been spotted. Squirrels are readying themselves for winter. It's coming!! Today it was 90 some degrees again, but autumn is on its way. Now if we could get some rain.

Gotcha!

IMG_5002w, originally uploaded by TH.Photography.

SO very rare and equally heart-warming, this is a genuine smile from my little boy. Ahhhhhhh. Love it. Not a prefect photo technically, but technically, it's a perfect photo! Mommy loves it and today that's all that matters.

Heart's desires

IMG_0809M2, originally uploaded by TH.Photography.

I know it takes a long time for me to get to 'the end of my rope." I don't mean that in an emotional end: yelling, screaming, crying and things like that. I mean that I'm depleted. I've given out everything I have in each area of my life. I am there now. I ran across this photo of my youngest at the beach. In his short life of 6 years, getting away for a family vacation has been close to non-existent. That makes me feel bad. My little boy doesn't walk, he runs, bounces, leaps and enjoys even the most boring of days. We're a lot of like. Somethings: smelling everything, rubbing our fingers along the silky binding of blankets, and not remembering names too well to name a few, make me shake my head in what is something eerily akin to disbelief and yet so far from it.
Going to the beach is one thing that flows through our veins fully and at an urgent pace at times. Like now. So, as it looks like he's praying sitting in the sunrise on the beach the only time he's ever been there, I'm going to pray that we return soon. As shallow as it may seem, I know the Lord wants to give me my heart's desire and now more than ever my desire is to back there where my little guy fell in love with the beach.

Play time

IMG_5027w, originally uploaded by TH.Photography.

I'll be sharing some photos from our zoo afternoons as we continue to go and fall in love with the animals.
Luckily enough, we'll be watching several babies grow up. Here's one of them-we don't know his/her name yet, but this Momma sure loved playing with her baby. WE loved watching that play time just as much. I'll keep my lens on him and share the growth charts as I do.

Fluff-A-Nutter

IMG_5173w, originally uploaded by TH.Photography.

His first sandwich sans help. Last night I shared a story about fluffanutters and how Mom, Grandma, used to make them for us. So I bought a jar of fluff {not pictured}.

"They're better than s'mores, Nicholas!"

"They are, Mom?"

"Yes, Honey. It's like putting marshmallows on bread with peanut butter."

The next afternoon as we finished up school work, I heard him busy himself in the kitchen. I didn't think much of it since it's a common activity which usually results in a cold juice and snack. Not today. No sir.
You see exactly what I saw when I turned the corner. Not wanting to hurt his feelings, I grabbed my camera and contained my laugh, but he sensed my hysterics.

"I made it bad. It's no good."

"NO, Honey. YOU made it PERFECTLY, that's why I'm getting a picture of it."

And there you have it: Fluff-a-nutter by Nicholas. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did (and from the bite that was already missing, him too.)

Unforgettable

IMG_8894CM, originally uploaded by TH.Photography.

{2002}
After finally healing up after a minor surgery, my fil was able to go home from the hospital. Knowing it was inevitable that we step up our level of care of he and my mil, my husband and I made plans to build a house big enough for our 7 y/o son (and his pride and joy), us and them to all live in together. Thursday was the big day; the house was done and the unveiling was to take place on Friday. It's never a good thing when the phone rings late at night, and as I listened to my her frantic exclamations, my husband jumped into his car and sped 'home.' to be with his mom and see his dad. He didn't make it before my dear father in law passed so unexpectedly. We still moved into our new house, but it was an incomplete family...and in more than one way.
{2003}
After years of infertility, we found ourselves pregnant on the first anniversary of Pop's death. This photo shows my oldest walking back from introducing his brother for the first time to the grandpa he'll never know this side of heaven. {2008}
I haven't printed it for a couple of reasons: it's still pretty much unedited as I'm not sure the feel I want for it to share and more accurately, it's such a raw moment in time. What would people think when/if they saw it in my home on display? I knew I wanted to have it for...something (a frame? a scrapbook page? a canvas?) but I'm still not too sure what I want to do with it. It's both a moment I always want remember as I honor his memory, his life, and at the same time it's one I so often want to forget needs remembering at all.

Goin' to the Zoo today, goin' to the zoo!

As a surprise after his first day of first grade lessons were complete, I took him to the zoo. His first 9wks of curriculum is a zoo theme so I thought it was only fitting. He was SO EXCITED and we had one of the best days ever. So much, in fact, that I made our tickets year passes. Yay, zoo visits and rides for free until New Year's Eve!

Scratch and Sniff (almost)

IMG_4821w, originally uploaded by TH.Photography.

There is a no fail way to grab the attention of each of my guys. It all starts with a clove of garlic sizzling in olive oil. That'll do it every time. One by one the boys come out of hiding to find out what I'm cooking. Tonight's menu was staring Eggplant Parmesan, but it could have been any number of a dozen favorite family recipes. I love to cook for my family probably because I know it makes them happy. Mrs. Proverbs would be pleased as would my mom. Although I'll never fill her shoes, she waited a long time for me to follow in her footsteps like this.

Tomorrow's dinner: leftovers. :)

What he (and she) said

IMG_4799w, originally uploaded by TH.Photography.

Never. Ever. I don't escape the unsolicited yet ever so deserving comments from strangers regarding this little guy, and today was no exception. So, enjoy...just as each passerby must have:

"Oh, I bet you're glad school starts next week!"
(You should have seen her face when I told her I homeschool!)

"Don't worry. I had a son just like him; he grew up just fine."
Gee, thanks. I think.

"He's going to be president some day. I've seen him in here before."
Uh, president of the USA? I hope it was a compliment. I said thanks.

"I'm so glad you brought him tonight! He's so entertaining."
Donations accepted. Really!

"He just never stops, I can tell."
Right. (I can tell, too.)

"He's sooooooo cute and smart."
And exasperating.

"You've got your hands full with that one, don't you?"
Yep. I thank God for it every day.

:D