One early, windy evening as the sky above my mailbox turned orange and opened in a strange downpour, I quickly grabbed my camera and shot from my front porch. I found myself holding onto the railing as the wind whipped with no sensible sway for fear I'd be carried away; I secretly (in this public way) confess to looking for Dorthy and Toto over my shoulder for a second or two. I suppose I would have chided my own children for going outside during such a storm, but there I was barefoot and eagerly snapping away. I couldn't be kept from the compelling mix of eeriness and comfort.
Making the difficult decision to forge ahead in business, I put my photography skills on the fast track of learning and improving. Sometimes I thought I'd never understand the most basic of terms and functionality, but it wasn't too long before the light bulb moment appeared. Suddenly, what not long ago was Greek to me is nothing more difficult than ABC and 123.
Relief. Forward motion gear: my own photography business dream really is within reach.
I've researched, practiced, studied, learned, cried, given up, resurfaced afresh, practiced, and countless times I readjusted one thing and then the next. I sought out mentors, criticisms and direction. Entering into this completely backwards, I swam uphill trying to get things in order legally and in all areas business-wise. This, in and of itself, seemed like a, sometimes impossible, full time job. (In my already full time busy schedule!)
Just like that stormy scene, many thoughts were fighting in my head for position and clarity. Some of them were there to help guide my steps in a direction that was both wise and productive, others were a pure invasion to what would otherwise have be deemed perfect and sensible new-owner trepidation, and they did nothing more than discourage me.
I wonder if I'm alone in my days and nights of swirling emotion, doubts and questions:
*What am I even doing trying to make a go of something like this?
*Such and such has better (logo, colors, website, blog, following...) than I do, I'll never get there
*That person should not be selling photos of anything or refer to him/herself as a photographer
*That is horrible, how can they book so many sessions?
*She's AMAZING, I'd love for my images to look like that!
*I shouldn't charge so much
*I should charge so much more
*I need to add to my equipment
*I should really learn more about using what I have
*My clients are thrilled with their images and I'm SO happy with them too!
*My clients LOVED their photos, but I'm not so excited w/them: I'm my own worst critic
*I should take a step back
*I really need to push forward even if it's not comfortable
*I love my choice of colors for my logo, cards, sites etc
*I need to hire someone to help me w/my branding
*Love the opportunity to schedule sessions for people
*Discouraged checking my email so much; this will never work
*My facebook fans increased by 3 today, YAY!
*Oh no! Someone unliked my page...
*I'm really getting great results
*I've got so much to learn
*That is horrible
*I nailed that exposure
*I don't need to spend any more money to become a better photographer
*I just spent $600 upgrading my waning computer memory
*I need insurance and a copier, a photo hosting site and a blog...
Through this tumultuous journey, I've been blessed to discover that I love to photograph lifetime moments for my clients. I especially love doing weddings. I DO, I DO love weddings...you know, one of those I'll nevers coming back to show you who's boss? Yep, that.
I'm thankful for the clarity that the stormy weather has brought me, for the certain direction that I am headed, and for the lessons I've learned along the way.
I'm happy to do what I really love, all schizophrenia aside. :)
*Call me to schedule your own session
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